ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
