Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
