Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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