just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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