Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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