Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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