Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
