I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
