Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
