Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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