It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
