last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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