I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
