smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
