Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
