Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
