Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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