I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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