Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
