I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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