No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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