I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
