i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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