I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
