I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
