Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
