Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
