brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
