Me. At least after what I've been through.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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