I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
