How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i think i just lost a toe
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
