i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
