i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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