The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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