I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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