Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
