She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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