Moan for me like Helen Keller
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
