Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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