Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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