You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
