Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
4 words: hood of his car
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
