YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
