This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
