You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
