Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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