I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
