she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
