like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my poor anus
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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