Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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