Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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