u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
