I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
