I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didn't notice because vodka
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
