Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she looked like the before picture.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
